She said, she said....

The mother says she is out of control, sneaking out, stealing money, lies.....
The kid says, yeah I do but mom doesn't care...
The mom says, she won't do her homework or anything at home....
The kid says, mom won't help me with homework and I do all the cooking....


Kids lie right? But, do parents lie too? The old saying "actions speak louder than words" comes to mind. We have had her every summer for 10 years. She does not steal things (except food) from us. She picks up after herself All the time. She cleans her bathroom every weekend. I just don't know who to believe. She did lie in the beginning, and we really worked with her on that. But from day one, she knew the rules, and understood that there would be consequences for her actions. It only took a few "to your room now!!" (she hated being alone as a child) and we pretty much never had a problem after that. I'm not saying she is perfect. She has almost no manners, doesn't say please and thank you, doesn't talk when spoken to, But, could that be from her environment? Could that be from lack of parenting? I certainly don't want to be one of those step-parents who blames everything on the "other" parent, but.....  Time will tell I guess. We are still in the honeymoon phase, I know. We are guarded, watching her everystep, guiding her every move. Waiting.....

Say my name....

I grew up in a broken home. At 5, my parents divorced after 12 years of marriage. I am the baby you see. That's what everyone calls me. The baby. The last one. I don't know if its because I'm the youngest, or because I was the last child my mother could have. She had 3 live births, and 2 stillborns. I was the only one that she didn't lay in the hospital for 6 months with. She went on with normal life figuring I wouldn't make it anyway. Some people would think that was a morbid way of talking about me, but I always thought that it meant I was meant to be. Put here for a purpose. I believe there are no coincidences. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Good or bad. I always try and find lessons in the events that happen in my life. It's hard, and sometimes it takes a while, but for me it helps. But.........
I can not have children. Doesn't really matter how or why, it won't change that fact. I love kids. I'm fascinated with them. I love to watch them learn new things, learn to talk, learn to laugh, learn to live. To me, its one of the most beautiful things to watch. As a teen, I dreamed of having lots of babies, as a young adult, I dreamed of having 2 or 4, (no odds so no middle child), and as I hit my 30's, I dreamed of not crying every-time I saw a pregnant woman. I'm okay with it now. Adoption was not for us. Besides, he already had a child......
I love her, I have known her her whole life. But, I am not her parent. Not A parent. I always feel like I'm walking a tight-rope. I want to teach her, nourish her with love, but scared that I'm holding on too tight. Will she think I'm smothering her? Will she think that I'm trying to be..... her mother? Because, really all I am is a step-mother. I have no rights to her, can not make any major decisions about her, she doesn't even have my name....

It's a girl!!

  It's a girl!!  15 years old, 5'8", 100 something pounds, hormonal, angry, confused and all the other things that go along with being a teen. Congrats to me, right? Actually, yes.
  We did not meet her until she was almost 3 years old. I will never forget the look on my husbands face when he saw her for the first time. Awe, love, and a whole lotta scared. He is an only child, most of his cousins are his age, he had never held a baby, and she was not a baby.... But the best part was, she looked just like him. I love that about her. You look at her and you see him, her eyes, her nose, her lips, even her eyebrows, are all his.
  Well, fast forward 12 years, and she has moved in with us. Finally. The mother has had enough. She has gone from not allowing us visitation, to here, she's yours and I don't wanna know anything. She didn't even want to be on her school registration forms!!! Ugh....
  Being a step-mother is hard work. You go from no kids in the house, to some-one else's child for weekends and summer visits. Wanting to be there for her, but constantly hearing "but that's not the way mommy does it". Wanting structure for her, but constantly hearing "but mommy lets me". Not wanting to be the "mean one", but having a husband who knows diddly squat about kids, and just wants it quiet and easy. Wanting to vent and scream sometimes, but constantly hearing, "just be happy she doesn't live with you". For years, "if she were mine" would run thru my head. If she were mine, she would have clean clothes all the time. If she were mine, she would learn respect and manners. If she were mine, she wouldn't feel the need to sneak food. If she were mine....
  Well now in a way she is. At 15. After a year of stealing things, skipping school, and trying drugs, she's mine. After 15 years of doing anything she wants, she's mine. After having a parent that let her drop 4 out of 6 classes last year, she's mine.
  So the journey begins.....